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New and Repost: Help me fund my trip to Honduras! [ Posted on January 25, 2009 @ 8:31 pm ]   Next summer I'm off to Honduras, Central America for 2 weeks with college. We're going to be studying plant and animal biodiversity in the cloud rainforests in the first week, and in the second week we'll be scuba diving. On one morning we'll get the chance to climb up into the rainforest canopy and watch the sunrise, which is going to be amazing! I can't wait to get out and exlore an environment that's completely different to anything I'm used to, and I'm going to get the chance to experience things that I'll probably never have the chance to ever again. And it's going to be the longest trip I've been on, the furthest place I've been too, and the first time I've been on a plane... a pretty momentous trip! Its the opportunity of a lifetime, but it's gonna cost an arm and a leg :(. £950 to the company organising the trip, £800-odd for flights, and I reckon I'll need at least another £250 to cover the cost of the equipment I'll need. Drumsticks They're a bit roughed up at the ends from being used, but they're pretty solid so they're not just going to fall apart. £3 Various Rock Sound CDs In cardboard wallets. Ask if you're interested in the tracklists, it would've taken me forever and a day to write them out :P Some of the bands included on the CDs (from top left, going right to left): - From the French Rock Sound, June/August 2006: None More Black, Moneen, The Appleseed Cast, The Rituals, Mistaken Element, Time Again, Nueva Etica, The Abominable Iron Sloth, Neurotic Swingers, 9MM, Misery Speaks, Scissorfight - Panic! At The Disco (I Write Sins Not Tragedies video), Hundred Reasons, Atreyu, Sepultura, From First To Last, MC Lars, Engerica, Scarlet - Fall Out Boy, Tribute To Nothing, Therapy?, Takota, Jesse James, Don Caballero, Zombi, Architects - Killswitch Engage, Underoath, Senses Fail, Bring Me The Horizon, Saosin, Planes Mistaken For Stars - The Bronx, Norma Jean, Cancer Bats, Enter Shikari, Pull Tiger Tail, Madina Lake -The Blood Brothers, The Audition, The Secret SHow, Bowling For Soup, Aereogramme, Frank Turner, Yndi Halda - Machine Head, Shadows Fall, Yourcodenameis:milo, The Locust, Gallows, The Ataris, Hot Cross - Reuben, Paramore, Pelican, Will Haven, 3 Inches Of Blood, Devildriver, Municipal Waste, The Icarus Line ( So I'm selling my things! Under the cut you'll find: books, remote control Yoshi!, manga, band merch, badges, bath stuff and more. ) Payment by paypal or cheque is preferred :) Postage and fees (if you're not paying by personal payment) aren't included, I'll work them out for you if you let me know what you want :). Postage is 2nd class, but if you want it sent differently then let me know. Not sure if anyone's interested, but stashed away in a cupboard somewhere I think I've got a bunch of back issues of Dolls House World magazine. They're from a couple of years ago maybe. If you're interested let me know and I'll have a look for you (certain issues, topics etc.) Comment

Another resolution... [ Posted on January 02, 2009 @ 2:12 pm ] [ mood | lazy ] (saw someone else who did this as their resolution last year and I thought it was cool so I wanted to add it to my list) New Years Resolutions list, including the new one: Complete 50 craft projects. Save more than spend - budget! Try to be more positive than negative - I've got to work on remembering all the nice things people say about me, because if I'm honest with myself they do say quite a bit so I've just got to remember it. Raise £300 for Honduras (I think that was a resolution from last year, but I didn't get very far with it haha). Post an LJ entry at least 3 times a week - hopefully this'll help with no. 2, because then I can remember all the times I've felt good and remember all the times I've felt shitty and use them to learn and move on. Take more photographs - again, helping to remember the good times. And when I'm old and senile I want to remind myself of what happened in my life haha. Maybe 1 photo posted to LJ a week, as a sort of summary of how the week was? Start selling jewellery/crafts. I think the only thing stopping me now is lack of a business name, so I need to get my "creative hat" on and start thinking. Comment

2008. [ Posted on December 31, 2008 @ 2:33 pm ] [ mood | calm ] What a year. In some ways it's been so so terrible, but in others it's been the best year of my life. The bad: The whole Jimmy/Lucas thing, Lucas in general haha, Jelena in general too, college/exam stress, working at Subway, realising who my true friends are (although I guess that could be seen as a good thing too) And the good: Chris <3, all the time we've spent together, Brighton, all our trips to London, turning 18, getting a decent job, getting a place on the Honduras trip and all the fundraising activities for it, getting a TV in my room (shocking milestone lol, it's been refused for years so it is quite a big thing that I've finally got one), gaining confidence, actually starting to feel like a real person again. Now that I think about it, I'm managing to focus on the good things a lot more than the bad, so I am getting better at that albeit a very slow progress. So, New Years resolutions: Save more than spend - budget! Try to be more positive than negative - I've got to work on remembering all the nice things people say about me, because if I'm honest with myself they do say quite a bit so I've just got to remember it. Raise £300 for Honduras (I think that was a resolution from last year, but I didn't get very far with it haha). Post an LJ entry at least 3 times a week - hopefully this'll help with no. 2, because then I can remember all the times I've felt good and remember all the times I've felt shitty and use them to learn and move on. Take more photographs - again, helping to remember the good times. And when I'm old and senile I want to remind myself of what happened in my life haha. Maybe 1 photo posted to LJ a week, as a sort of summary of how the week was? Start selling jewellery/crafts. I think the only thing stopping me now is lack of a business name, so I need to get my "creative hat" on and start thinking. 2009 is going to be a strange year. Going on a plane for the first time ever, and going the furthest away from home I've even been too. And it's the first time I've been to a different continent... I could go on and on with that one haha. University? Moving away from home, learning to be completely independent. And my relationship with Chris. We'll have been together for a year in May, and I really really hope we've got many more years to come. And back to now. Off to Chesna's tonight for NYE, hopefully people won't get too drunk :\. And goose roast dinner tomorrow round Chris'. Eating goose will be... an experience haha. But before all that I need to revise.revise.revise. I'm really panicking about exams now, I think doing all 6 now was a bit of a mistake, but there's not really any other option other than doing them in July, and I'll probably have like 11 exams to sit then already. Urgh. I can't wait til college is over. Comment

Yay, parcels! [ Posted on December 02, 2008 @ 5:45 pm ] [ mood | cheerful ] I came home to a nice big parcel today; it was from JillyBeads, and it's 2 bead boxes and some necklace wires they've donated to my Honduras fundraising efforts :) Chris is coming over on Saturday and we're going to make things, which makes me happy :D I really want to get a specific blog set up for my jewellery making and selling, which could then hopefully link in with an Etsy shop or something, and then a website, and then I could start doing craft shows... I'm getting way too overambitious here haha. The idea's been bubbling away in the back of my brain for a while now though, the only trouble is thinking of a name that hasn't already been used by someone else. I'll keep mulling it over and I'll get there eventually. Comment

Poor, neglected blog [ Posted on November 13, 2008 @ 11:14 pm ] [ mood | cheerful ] Here, have a post before I go to bed. Bag for Michelle for the CO+K swap still not finished. Well, the bag is and the contents are almost, just got to find time to finish the bracelet. It takes ages because I have to headpin each bead and then attach it. Should be done by end of next week, if not before. Hope Michelle likes it all :). Pictures later. Started selling fundraising tickets for Op Wall raffle today. Mum bought 10, Auntie Janie 50, and 4 others want 1. So £37.80 profit (I think). Go me! Comment

At college [ Posted on September 26, 2008 @ 9:35 am ] [ mood | bored ] In English. Bored. Jake's not here because he's gone to Denmark for the weekend, and Rachel isn't here because she's probably contracted some mystery illness or had a heart attack or something. So I'm here by myself, and I have 2 hours free after this to revise for biology and chemistry tests I have today. Sigh. Thank god its Friday. Comment

I fail at regular blogging [ Posted on September 21, 2008 @ 9:58 pm ] [ mood | lonely ] It's been over a month since my last entry, bah. I keep thinking "I should write about this on my LJ", or "I could do a blog post about that". But I never get round to it because I'm such a terrible procrastinator. So I'm going to start now as I mean to go on. Hopefully smaller posts will encourage me to post more often. Hmm. My weekend... ...was boring. Chris is in Weymouth with his family so I've been by myself for the weekend. I did absolutely nothing yesterday other than surf random craft blogs, and today I've done the same. I did go to Hobbycraft today though, yay! I got a new daylight lamp with a magnifier as part of my birthday stuff, some cute little cross stitch kits to sew up and make into Christmas cards, a seahorse bead (which will come in useful for something, I'm already planning a sea-themed necklace with the starfish I've had for ages and some sea glass (when I can get to a beach to find some), but I digress...), and another little storage box for my beads. And another glass pendant, since I've had so many compliments about my black and silver one. I might make some of them up to sell to raise money for Honduras, they're dead simple and won't cost me loads for the materials. Another thing I attempted today was making cold porcelain clay. What a mistake that turned out to be. The recipe I found was this: 1 cup PVA glue 1 cup cornflour 1 tbsp baby oil 1 tbsp lemon juice I decided to have a go at it while mum was out, so I didn't get all her little "helpful" comments while I was doing it. So as soon as she'd gone I got out all my ingredients, measured them, put them in the pan and started heating and stirring them. The recipe said 10 minutes until done, but after about 4 I looked at the bottom of the inside of the pan to find that the stuff had started to stick to the bottom of the pan, and stick with a vengeance. Time to give up, I thought. I'm so glad I gave up then, otherwise who knows what kind of terrible mess I'd be left with. I dumped all of the "clay" on some newspaper (once I'd scraped it out of the pan. Urgh. The texture was horrible) and left it on the floor while I frantically tried to clean the bottom of the pan before it set. I was scrubbing at it hard with a brillo pad for at least 20 minutes before I got all the bloody stuff off, it was rock solid. So yeah, I won't be attempting that again. I'll just stick to ready made clay haha. Comment

Summer, pt. 2 [ Posted on August 19, 2008 @ 4:56 pm ] [ mood | happy ] Back from Devon. It was boring, as per usual. And it rained. All. The. Time. We went on an outing to somewhere in Cornwall called Duckpool and it rained pretty much the whole way there. We had to drive through a ford which was cool, but kinda scary as the water was flowing fast because of all the rain and I had visions of the whole minibus being washed away down this little river :|. When we did eventually arrive at the place we couldn't even get off the bus because someone had made a cockup with their tide times so the whole rockpool bit was flooded, and it was blowing a gale. Went to Cornwall again on Wednesday to look round the Exeter Uni campus in Penryn. The drive, which was meant to take 2 hours from Bideford, took 3 and a half, as all the traffic was crawling because of the torrential rain. Thankfully when we got there it brightened up, so I didn't have yet another memory of looking round a uni in the rain. It's all really nice because the whole campus is only 4 years old, and the accommodation is niiiice - double bed, en suite, big shared kitchen (between the 7 in the flat), and a TV (so no individual TV licence, woop!). Exam results were on Thursday. I got an A in Biology, a A in English, a C in Maths and a D in Chemistry. Near enough what I expected, but it would've been nicer to have done a little bit better in Chemistry. Never mind, it's this coming year that matters more than last year, so come September I'm gonna have to get stuck into the work. I got £50 off mum for my 2 A's though, which was a very nice bonus :P. It's back to the boring life now, went to Ktown today and got my jewellery inspirations book which I've been after for agesssss which was good :), but I've spent most of my money now so I've returned to being a poor student again. I need to start saving money, Chris and me want to go on holiday sometime in October (the place we were going to go to says we have to be over 25, boo), and the cost of Honduras is probably going to go up because of the credit crunch as well. Looks like I'm gonna be living off tins of spaghetti hoops while I'm at college then. I'm off to look at my new book, I've seen loads of things I want to make already so I need to get planning xo Comment

Summer (y) [ Posted on July 28, 2008 @ 2:24 pm ] [ mood | peaceful ] That picture sums up college this year for me; on the train, reading the Metro, thoroughly bored. But it's all over now (y)... until the 4th of September, when I have to start my A2 year. Oh what joy. At least it's summer now, meaning I get to spend more time with this dork. Got back from a weekend in good ol' Devon yesterday, which was boring as per usual. We're off back down there in 9 days time for our long summer stint, which I'm not really looking forward to but hey, it's something I have to just get on with. Hopefully at least the weather will be nice; it was pretty nice this weekend and today's meant to be the hottest day of the year, and I'm hoping that won't mean it'll just be rainy and horrible like it was last year. Devon doesn't really have much to offer when it rains. Anddd maybe I'll get a bit more driving practice in (y). Richard gave me a lesson on Friday on the road along the Burrows, which was well fun. I didn't like the fact that some stupid sheep ran out in front of me though, but thankfully I managed to stop before I hit it haha. I nearly reversed off a little cliffy bit as well, which would not have been good in the slightest (although Richard didn't seem to mind that I almost wrecked his car, he said it was good for me to experience these "rushes of adrenalin").  So yeah, I really want to start driving now. No idea where I'll dredge the money up from though. I really should've been organised and got a job for summer, but there's not really much point now seeing as we're off to Devon again in a week, and then we'll be there for a week and a half. But when I get back I'll update my CV and go out job hunting, I think the money is enough of an incentive for me not to be lazy anymore haha. Comment

I don't know why I have random urges to update my journal... [ Posted on July 12, 2008 @ 4:35 pm ] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Give Me What I Want - Kids In Glass Houses ] ... but I'm having one now, so I thought I might as well go with it. In the past 11 weeks since I updated my journal... - I got together with Chris, finally. It's stirred up a lot of shit along the way, and I've lost friends because of it, but a couple of them I don't think i really wanted as friends anyway, and another one is just overreacting so hopefully she'll come round but if she doesn't then it's her loss. - I've finished all my AS exams, yay! Just the long wait til August for results now, and hopefully I haven't failed epically but we'll see. - Chris and I went to Brighton. We had a really nice day even though the weather was pretty bleh. And we parked about a mile and a half away from the seafront, meaning we had a trekkk (which, as well as being long, was mostly uphill) to get back to the car when we wanted to go home. Picturessss ^.^. Hover for captions. I actually can't think of much more, other than all this "drama" being caused by my so-called friends. But I don't want to dwell on that so lets forget it and move on.   New phone tomorrowwww (y). I'm rather excited, and it's about time too because the one I've got now is cracked in loads of places and there are bits falling off and the space button doesn't work and it buzzes when I press the 1 key... yeah, it's falling to bits basically. So I'm getting this one... Not exactly top-of-the-range or whatever, and it's a bit of a brick, but it's got a really good camera and Sony Ericssons are pretty good for texting and stuff. It's gonna be odd not having a Motorola though, seeing as I've had this Motorola for 15 months, I only had my Samsung for 5 months, before that I had my old flip Motorola for 18 months, and the Motorola I had before that I had for about 12 months as well. So yeah, this is gonna be a big change.  And I've got a new hobby... jewellery making.  I've got a bunch of tools and materials, and I've made a couple of pieces so far. I'm wanting to sell some of the things I make to make a bit of cash, which will probably go towards Honduras. Some of the things I've made so far... Right, that's this entry done, so it's back to Biology fieldwork write-ups. xo Comment

So, seeing as procrastination is the order of the day... [ Posted on April 21, 2008 @ 2:37 pm ] [ mood | lethargic ] [ music | Last Summer - Lostprophets ] ... I thought I'd update my journal. I'm meant to be doing English coursework, and I've dug up a Maths test that I don't quite know whether we were meant to do or not. Meh, I'll have a shot at it, because he probably won't check whether I've done it or not. I've done the 2 other pieces that were definitely set, so he can't say I've made no effort. Urgh, thinking of exams, I really should get round to doing some revision. I've revised all of Biology, pretty much, but it's not Biology that's the problem, it's Maths and Chemistry, and so far I've put no effort into either of them. I really wish I could break my bad habits, but sadly I've had no luck so far. I still feel pretty rough, and have done for the past couple of days. I've got barely no appetite, I feel sort of... weirdly dizzy a lot, and I have hardly any energy. I really have no idea what's wrong with me, but if anyone thinks I'm going to see a doctor then they're mistaken. I hate going to the doctors so much, and things usually sort themselves out so why bother going? I'm putting this down to spending too much time at home... hopefully when I get back into the routine of going to college every day then I'll feel a lot better, and if I don't... well, then it might be time to go and find out what the fuck's wrong with me. Right, I've suddenly been hit with a wave of motivation, so I think I should ride on it while I have the chance and go and get this stupid coursework out of the way! xo Edit: I've just realised just how much the "lethargic" mood star thing looks exactly how I feel right now haha Comment

Ho hum, another boring Tuesday. [ Posted on April 15, 2008 @ 11:57 am ] Mum's out, so I'm home by myself. I've sort of relocated downstairs; I've got my duvet, blanket, pillow, laptop etc. down here, and I've set up a bed on the sofa and I'm watching TV ^.^ Yay me. I'm in the process of making myself a bag. Not that I needed another one, I just felt like making one and proving to myself that not everything I turn my hand to turns out like something that left the rear end of a donkey. So far it's going okay, after having a few mishaps to start off with (like mucking up the pattern, having numerous disputes with mum until she understood what I was doing, breaking the needle on the sewing machine...). I've just got to sew the inside and outside bits together now. Pics when it's done. My left lobe piercing's infected. It's leaking some kind of bloody pus gunk, and it's really nasty and swollen. Meh. Hopefully it'll heal p, and it it doesn't it's only a lobe piercing so it'll be easily redone. I'm off to finish my bag. It won't make itself. xo Comment

I think I'm gradually learning about people [ Posted on April 02, 2008 @ 10:08 pm ] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | Ignition - Trivium ] Like what their values are, and their attitudes (and I sound like an English lesson... urgh... but it fits). And it's all for good. I've completely detached Lucas from my life now. He's such a complete and utter idiot, and I regret everything I did with him and every kind word I ever said. I can't believe that I stuck up for him, when it was true what everyone was saying. I was just too blind and naive to see it. ----------------- Bulletin Message ----------------- From: Dead Evil Angel™ Date: 28 Mar 2008, 23:32 why say you really like some1 when your off trying to get off with other people do you not know what that does to people? ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Izzyface Date: 29 Mar 2008, 22:43 Subject: Feelings suck Body: Why say you really care about someone, when you've gone behind their back and pretty much had sex with their boyfriend, then get with them knowing what you'd done. Do you not know what that does to people? One word springs to mind: Hypocrite. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Dead Evil Angel™ Date: 30 Mar 2008, 11:42 yea i know but tbh i didnt really fancy you when we did and when i said i cared about you i ment it im sorry ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Izzyface Date: 30 Mar 2008, 12:05 Exactly, which just adds to the fact that you completely used me. Thanks a lot. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Dead Evil Angel™ Date: 30 Mar 2008, 12:09 no i didnt i really liked you and i still like you and if me and jimmy hadnt of happend i was going to ask you out ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Izzyface Date: 30 Mar 2008, 12:15 How can you say that you didn't?! You knew what you'd done, but yet you still decided just to use me as your little fuck toy while I was completely oblivious to everything. And I told you how I felt about Jimmy, but you still did it anyway. You could've just stopped it and said nothing could or should happen between us, and you wouldn't have even had to tell me what you and Jimmy had done. You've just contradicted yourself by first saying you didn't fancy me, but then saying you were going to ask me out. If you decided you didn't fancy me then fair enough, but to then say you didn't use me is complete bullshit. If sleeping with someone when you don't fancy them isn't using them, then what is it? ----------------------------------------------------------- when we 1st did i liked you i didnt fancy you when you were with jimmy look im sorry i'll just go i dont wanna make things worse Yeah, that's right, please just go and never talk to me again. I'm so much better off without you.   And I'm realising tonight what little morals Jelena has, and Chris also, and how little I can trust either of them or think of them as decent people. There was the time when we stayed over Chris', and even though Jelena said she wouldn't have sex with him, regardless of whether we were there or not, yet they did anyway, leaving Kat, Spoony and me to sit downstairs and twiddle our thumbs. Then there was the Friday night we'd all been to Staines, and Jelena gave Chris a blowjob in the front seat of his car, with Sarah, Jeremy and me in the back, then Jelena got of with me a couple of minutes after. And then, as I learned today, there was the time after Sarah's birthday meal, where Chris and Jelena had sex in the back seat of the car with Sarah and Alex sitting right next to them. I actually can't get over how disgusted that makes me feel. And the fact that they'll probably try and have sex at Kat's party makes it all the worse. They say they won't but hey, I don't really trust much of what either of them say. For all he seems like a kind and genuine person, Chris really isn't. He reminds me a bit of Lucas in a way... out for whatever he can get whenever he can get it, and he doesn't really have much regard for who he hurts in the process. Like with me, only about 2 days before he got together with Jelena he was asking me to come over for sex, and when I said no because I didn't want just another fuck buddy he completely blew me off and went for Jelena instead. Well, now I know how much I actually meant to him. And he's stopped talking to me on MSN pretty much... What's with you recently? Izzy McGuire says (9:41 PM): You hardly talk to me  Izzy McGuire says (9:52 PM): Are you not talking to me or something? Chris says (9:56 PM): i am talking 2 u Izzy McGuire says (9:56 PM): Really?  Izzy McGuire says (9:56 PM): It doesn't seem like it Chris says (9:56 PM): not lots and lots Chris says (9:57 PM): but i am Izzy McGuire says (9:57 PM): Not lots and lots.... more like hardly at all Izzy McGuire says (9:57 PM): I just get paranoid that I've done something Chris says (9:57 PM): uve done absolutly nuffin Chris says (9:57 PM): at all Chris says (9:58 PM): promiss u Chris says (9:58 PM): idk Chris says (9:58 PM): i dont reli talk 2 any1 much Chris says (9:58 PM): now Izzy McGuire says (9:58 PM): Why? Chris says (9:59 PM): idk Chris says (9:59 PM): **srugs shoulders** Chris says (9:59 PM): i dont reli have much 2 say Izzy McGuire says (10:01 PM): Or is it because you're to busy talking to Jelena? Izzy McGuire says (10:01 PM): I'm not having a whinge btw, I'm just wondering why you hardly talk Chris says (10:01 PM): me and jelena dont reli talk much Chris says (10:02 PM): i cant speak 2 another girl more then her Chris says (10:02 PM): understandable ye Izzy McGuire says (10:02 PM): Says who? Izzy McGuire says (10:02 PM): No, not really tbh lol Chris says (10:02 PM): doesnt matter Izzy McGuire says (10:03 PM): Fine So yeah, I think that sadly they're another two people who I'm going to be having a lot less to do with. I'm quite glad that I'm finally starting to realise when people are not the kind of people I want to be friends with, because I think it's going to save me a lot of hassle in the long run. I'm learning how to just cut people out of my life, and it's working out in my favour and I feel happier for it. It doesn't help the feeling that I'm just out to be used and screwed over by everyone I come into contact with in my life, but I'm hoping that gradually that feeling's going to pass and I can just... get on with things. xo Izzy McGuire says (9:41 PM): Comment

I dislike infamy. [ Posted on March 19, 2008 @ 7:20 pm ] On the train home... Tom (to Naomi): "Is that the Izzy?" Naomi: "Yeah." Tom (to me): "You're Izzy?" Me: "Mhmm." Tom: "The Lucas Izzy?" Me: "... yes." Tom: "I pity you." 5 minutes later... Tom: "Wait, are you the Izzy that went out with Jimmy?" Me: "Yes." Tom: "Oh... uh... poor you." So I'm guessing for the rest of my life I'm just going to be known as "Jimmy's ex" or "the one Lucas fucked". Great, just fucking great. 5 day weekend this week. I should be excited, but the prospect of spending 4 out of those 5 days with my brother away from my room isn't really all that appealing. And tomorrow's some Higher Education thing at Surrey Uni, which the whole freaking world seems to be going to, which is either going to be amazingly boring or useful but in no way fun, or it'll just make me depressed again about the state of my life... urgh. I can't wait to get out of this town. I think I have pretty much decided what I'm going to do at uni though, which is a plus. At the moment I'm leaning towards Zoology, but I'm thinking about Animal Biology and just plain Biology as well. Zoology and Animal Biology sound really interesting, but Biology would leave me with more career options... I dunno, I'll have a look tomorrow and see. I've still got months to decide so it's not vitally important right now. It's quite scary thinking that 2 years from now my life will be completely different; I probably won't be living here, I'll probably be miles away from home, I'll have met loads of new people and I probably won't be in touch with most of the people I've met this year... it's pretty overwhelming when I stop to think about it, and I can't make up my mind whether I'm completely terrified or excited about the whole thing. I guess I'd get back to it, my course isn't going to choose itself. And my Biology homework isn't going to complete itself either. xo  Comment

LOL it's already March [ Posted on March 12, 2008 @ 1:18 pm ] [ mood | calm ] [ music | End of Days - Bullet For My Valentine ] This year's going pretty damn quickly.   In the past couple of months I have: - broken up with Jimmy :( - had some sort of... "friends with benefits" thing with Lucas... urgh, what a mistake that turned out to be. - had 2 epic phails on AS modules (C in C1 Maths and D in module 1 Chemistry... go me! Resits here I come!) - got my ears pierced, finally. I got my lobes and my left helix done. My helix currently hurts like a bitch, and it's annoying that I can only sleep on my right side, but I'll get over it haha. I'm already planning my next ones - another helix just below the first one in my left ear, and my right tragus. Sadly a lack of money is currently preventing me from getting them done *sigh* - got a place on the Biology trip to Honduras in 2009 *squee* I'm so excited, it's going to be amazing. I have no idea where I'm going to find £2000+ though, buuuut I guess I'll work it out somehow. - found out Jimmy cheated on me with Lucas... apparently. I was told that he did, but Lucas said it was like a week after we'd broken up. And Jimmy was drunk. But Lucas wasn't, so he could've stopped it. Just proves that neither of them give a shit about me. Anyway, moving on... I'm sort of lounging around today because we've had 2 days off college for this review day nonsense. I really should be doing work but I just don't have the motivation. Making a Chemistry poster about brine cells doesn't really seem like the most productive way to spend my time. I guess I really should get on with it though, I'm off out to Hounslow in a couple of hours to see Anu. It's gonna be... um...  interesting trying to get there, because apparently a roof's fallen off in Feltham (hah!) so all the buses are being diverted and there aren't any trains running. I guess I really should go and get on with something more productive than LJ haha. Procrastination FTW! xo Comment

Letter Graveyard [ Posted on January 05, 2008 @ 5:02 pm ] Dear RP, I'm growing distant from you all and I don't like it. I've barely spoken to any of you in months, and I'm the one being outcast because you're all still speaking to each other. As much as I don't want to admit it, it's probably a a good thing that we're not keeping in contact as much as we used to, because now I can focus on my real life, my life that's not spread out across the whole country and beyond. But I can't deny that the times we spent together last year were pretty much the best times of my life. Even if we don't keep in touch then I'll always be grateful for what you've all done for me. You've given me more self-confidence, you've helped me have some amazing experiences, you've broadened my horizons, you've helped me lose my inhibitions... to put it simply I'm a much better person thanks to you all, and I don't think you realize how thankful I am that I met you. I hope our friendships don't completely turn to nothing. I miss you all so, so much.  See you soon? - Izzy *** Dear me, Stop procrastinating and do some revision. You'll regret it if you don't, you always do. It's the same every time - you set out with good intentions but something always distracts you and you end up spending yet another hour doing anything but revision. Seriously, how hard is it just to pick up a folder and read through some notes? You've already admitted you're finding it hard and if you don't put in the effort then you're never going to get the results you want, now are you? Get on with it. - Me Comment

2008 already? [ Posted on January 03, 2008 @ 1:20 pm ] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Almost Easy - Avenged Sevenfold ] Last year went by fast. A bit too fast for my liking. It was a good year though, a very good one indeed. Hopefully 2008 will be better, but I'm thinking it's gonna be hard to top last year haha. London tomorrow :D January sales, hell yeah LOL. Hopefully I'll have been paid by work. Fair enough, I never ended up getting paid that shitty £3.40 an hour, but my boss kept mucking up my bank details so so far I've only been paid for 2 weeks work, and out of that £55 £30 went on my "uniform deposit" (which I get back when I leave, but still) and £12 went on tax, so I only ended up with £13. And I haven't been paid since then. The pay slips I got on Sunday for the 3 weeks I worked since then say I'm owed about £70, and I should've been paid on Tuesday for Sunday's work. So yeah, hopefully all the bank stuff worked finally. If it hasn't then I'm so tempted to tell them they can shove their stupid subs up their asses. But anyway... I really should be doing revision rather than sitting here on the internet. I've got 2 exams in less than a week, and one exactly 2 weeks from now, and I really need to revise otherwise I stand no hope of passing any of them. I suppose it wouldn't really be the end of the world if I failed them though, I've pretty much decided that I don't want to be a vet anymore so it's not vitally important that I get straight A's but still, it would be a whole lot easier if I had decent grades to go on. The only thing I'm really enjoying about college at the moment is the people, the teachers are annoying and the lessons are boring (I actually fall asleep in biology...), so I end up gaining more from being out of lessons than I do from being in them. *sigh* I miss Jimmy. I've barely seen him for 2 weeks, and I only saw him for about 5 minutes on Saturday. On New Years Eve I was talking to Pete and he kept going on about how Jimmy would only kiss someone else, not go any further than that, and that would only be if he was drunk or stoned... and I hated to point out to him (and myself) that that's probably about 75% of the time, and on New Years he would probably be completely wasted. So I was sat at home with a few friends while my boyfriend was out partying and probably getting off with someone else. Way to help me feel good, Pete.  So yeah, I went into self pity mode and drank to make myself feel better. In the morning I realised 2/3 of the huge bottle of cider was gone, and it was a bit of a "Whoa, did I drink that all by myself?" moment. Oh well, hopefully everything will get back to normal next week. Back to college, what joy. xo Comment

I got a job, hell yeah 8] [ Posted on November 06, 2007 @ 8:14 pm ] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Shadow Of The Day - Linkin Park ] I'm now employed by Subway. Bahaha. It's quite bad, I've only done one day (not even one day, Sunday was just a 2 hour trial and 3 hours extra I got paid for) of work and I'm already having second thoughts about it. It's hard work, and not quite what I expected. And the pay's terrible; £3.40 and hour is not the sort of money I want to work for. Eh, I'll stick it out for a few weeks, and if I really hate it then I can always leave. So yeah, I thought what with me getting a job, things would start looking up. Right? Wrong. I had an argument with Jake last night because he decided to post a bulletin saying I'm "fucking gutless". He overheard Kat, Emmy and me talking about him at lunch yesterday, because I was asking them if they knew why he was pissed off with me, and then he decided that wondering what I've done to deserve the silent treatment makes me gutless. Then today he just thought it was okay to come and apologize, but I'm gonna take that with a pinch of salt because I'm fed up with all his internet dramas. I'm still kind of pissed off, but I guess I'm just going to have to bite my tongue and get over it. My toes are cold.   xo Comment

I'm so damn tired [ Posted on October 28, 2007 @ 8:15 pm ] [ mood | tired ] I don't even know why, this whole weekend just consisted of me sitting on my ass by the side of a road / in a minibus / in a tent. It's probably because I didn't really get much sleep in that goddamn tent because: a) it was fucking freezing both nights b) my sleeping bag is shite and needs to be burned for helping people to meet an icy cold death c) Jake snores I was fucking freezing all weekend to be honest. A thick hoodie and a scarf do pretty much nothing to keep you warm when you're outside constantly for 3 days. The only time I was vaguely warm was Friday night, when I even took my hoodie off before I went to sleep because I was boiling, but I think that was from laughing too much. We had so many jokes going this weekend... - the Mummy McLanaghan song - "Your mum" as a response to pretty much everything - me, Jake and Jen all sharing a brain and having many an intellectual moment  - Nilo going for a shit - Nilo being generally funny without even trying - Farmer Giles - Gaaaaaaaaaarlic bread Andddd I can't even remember he rest. Glad to be home though, I really miss my bed. And my laptop. I spent a bit too much time on this thing... Urghhhh the K! tour stuff is pissing me off. I just went and asked mum if she'd thought any more about letting me go to the one in Brixton, but she said no as usual. So then as asked her if I could go to the one in Southampton and stay in a hotel with the other for the night and she went mental at me. I'm 17 for fucks sake, not 7. She still treats me like I'm at primary school and I should be home before it gets dark and not go more than a mile away from home. I'm never going to get any independence if she keeps going on like this, and I know she's only doing it because she's concerned but it feels like I'm fucking stuck being a baby forever and all my friends can grow up and have more responsibility for themselves while I'm still at exactly the same level I was at years ago. She keeps going on about how when she's let me go to gigs in the past I've let her down. Like when I saw Paramore, my phone broke. There was actually nothing I could do about that because how the hell was I meant to buy a new phone when I didn't have any money on me? And I did try and ring her from other people's phones, so it wasn't like she could assume I was dead. She keeps bringing that up and making me feel bad, and feel guilty for going out and having a good time. The she goes on about the Barfly show and how Milli's mum had said she'd pick us up but she didn't (or something like that) and how we were "wandering the streets" in the early hours of the morning. How the fuck else were we meant to get home? There were 4 of us, and we were going down residential streets, so even if we did get attacked or something someone would hear us if we screamed. There were no other people around at all other than us so we were fine. And yeah, fair enough we were out late, but it's not like I'm the only person my age who goes out at that time. I'm probably the only person who doesn't. But anyway, that's yet another thing she makes me feel guilty about. I feel now like I don't deserve to go out, have a good time and enjoy myself, because every time I always end up making someone else feel bad. I make people feel worried or guilty or upset or angry, and it always happens when I go out somewhere; even if it's just to Kingston or somewhere during the day mum's usually complaining that I don't let her know what time I'll be back so she doesn't know if she's cooking dinner for me or not and I'm never at home at weekends when I should be at home revising and putting effort in and "getting my priorities sorted out", or when I go out to gigs she's always constantly going on afterward about how I'm coming home late so she has to stay up, and I'm inconveniencing other people by having to get them to pick me up... I could fucking go on and on for hours. I don't even know why I'm still here, all I am is a waste of space who's an inconvenience and an annoyance to everyone. It would be so much better if I just disappeared. xo   Comment

Well today was a disappointment. [ Posted on October 24, 2007 @ 11:29 pm ] [ mood | disappointed ] I was all looking forward to the River People picnic today, but it was such a let down. I met Anu in Hounslow this morning, and we went to Adsa to buy food which was quite funny, then we got a tube and met up with the others. There were some randomers there who noone seemed to know, and some other boys who were friends with Karl I think. They were fucking idiots anyway, they were smoking some shit and being rude to everyone.  So we all went to Hyde Park for the picnic. We sat in the bandstand, which I didn't feel too good about because we weren't meant to be in there; there was a fence round it and the gate was locked. But I'm such a mug that I went along with it anyway. The "picnic" turned into a food fight, so pretty much all the food got totally wasted, and then a park security van turned up so we all legged it. Then we didn't even make it out of the park, we just stood round for hours in the cold waiting for Jude. Anu, Nikki, Kayleigh, Kate and me were sort of pushed out of the main group because none of the others were really talking to us, and every time we suggested going someone else everyone was like "Nooo, we have to wait for Jude!" (even though we'd done nothing for 2 hours for that exact reason). Eventually we met Jude and decided to all go to Picadilly. Karl and the boys didn't even make it onto the train, and Annie and Milli decided to get off the train at the next stop and go back because they would rather be with them. Didn't even say bye or anything, they were just like "We're getting off here." By this time I was really pissed off, because it was meant to be a fun day out but it had turned into us all separating and doing nothing all bloody day. In the end we all just went home, it was too busy in central London and we were too cold and tired. It just wasn't worth it. I spent all that money on food and train travel for what? Being made to feel like shit by my so-called friends. Gee, thanks guys, way to make a person feel wanted. In the MSN chat just now Heather asked how the day was, and Milli's reply was "Soooo fun. Well 2 hours of it was shit." So yeah, the 2 hours we were there were shit, but after we'd left everyone had an amazing time. I don't really have much confidence anyway, and I find it difficult to make friends, so when people I thought were good friends completely ignore me and have a better time without me being there it really fucking stings.  I don't even know why I bother making friends anymore to be quite honest. I always end up feeling awkward and I don't know what to say, and I constantly have the feeling that noone wants me around and I'm being a burden on them by being there. It doesn't really help that all the friends I do make just seem to take me for granted, or realise that they don't want to be friends with me after all but don't even bother to tell me they don't like me, they just leave me to realise it for myself. That's how it's getting with the River People. I feel excluded from them, and I feel like the freak again because I don't fit in. Today was meant to be nice and a good day for us all to just relax and enjoy ourselves, but it just turned out to be completely and utterly rubbish. And at The Forum hardly anyone talked to me in the queue; the River People were all busy talking to each other, and my existing friends were talking to some girls they were standing with. It was like none of them remembered I was there, and I was just standing there awkwardly for an hour or so. I'm probably just being overly pessimistic about all of this, but hey, I can't change the way I feel. I thought I could, but today proved me wrong. Yet again I've gone from feeling slightly optimistic to back to where I started; zero self confidence and the feeling that nothing's ever going to get better. Great, just fucking great. xo Comment

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